The World Cancer Research Fund has issued a report instructing folks about ways to change their diet so they can cut down on their cancer risk. Here's what they recommend:

• women should drink no more than 1 alcoholic drink per day, 2 for men (yeah right)
• people should limit themselves to less than 500 grams of red meat per week (as if)
• we mustn't eat more than 6 grams of salt per day (I don't think so)
• and the kicker, the egregious suggestion that one should cut out processed meats like ham and bacon COMPLETELY.  (not gonna happen.)

Um, so, it's been nice knowing you. They might as well tell me to stop breathing. I'm going to just count on my good genes to get me through. Plus I could waste all my time not drinking and avoiding bacon and still get hit by a bus, so, you know.

If you want your bacon fix without actually eating it, how about:

• This Bacon Scarf? $35 at Shopsin's General Store.

• Or, perhaps you could head over to Meat-O-Matic and peruse their selection of bacon air fresheners, t-shirts, packing tape, and band-aids? Very reasonable prices, most stuff is under $10.
  

• Or, you can just go all Zen and BE the bacon. Here's a tutorial on how to make this bacon costume.